My Arch Nemesis

Well, I was out for the count this week when my arch-nemesis came back into town ---Strep Throat. I usually get it once a year and its just the worst. You feel like you're going to die and you can't even swallow or enjoy food. The three days before I got my antibiotics were hell. You get sick of pudding and soup real fast. I feel better now, still have a residual dry cough. And Aunt Flo is back in town and I need to go for the AFC test. Of course, this has to land in the middle of stuff I can't miss (in order to go to the clinic), a test and a group project at school. So, I'm hoping and praying that they fit me in on the one day I can go. This test has to be done between CD2-4 and if I call tomorrow that would be Sunday to Tuesday and my Sunday and Tuesday mornings are both booked up. I can always get it done next month because I have decided to start the IVF process then but just want to get it checked off the list.

Talked with DH about the 'guilt' of the money. I wanted to make sure the spending of the IVF money was not going to leave a guilt-stain on us forever. I guess he can let go of it more easily than I can. Of course, if we succeed then the money will be a forgotten thing replaced by all our massive joy! But if its not successful how do you deal with the fact you are still childless and have just parted with some major bucks. I guess I just have to look at it as a wild trip to Vegas or something. Though hoping lady luck is really on our side this time and that the house loses.

Spring Has Sprung...well sort of

Glad, glad, glad that I was able to talk to the IVF co-ordinator who let me know I'm set up for May. I just have to do that AFC test in the next couple weeks and then call her at the same time to let her know when my CD1 was (is). I was reading up on IVF in one of my books and from what I gather I would be starting the nasal spray around ovulation time. All this fertility stuff feels like playing rugby most of the time. What I mean is, I have never played rugby and even though I sat through the movie, Invictus (and essentially watched two hours of rugby), I still have no idea how that game is played. So, while I've read up on the basics of IVF, I don't think I will ever really know what exactly is going on until I experience it.


Of course, there is suppression, then stim phase, then retrieval, then transfer but it all seems like some far off expedition into the Himalayas until you are there. I can see how other bloggers have described this phase of the infertility journey as having much anticipation mixed with trepidation. I myself am freaking a bit about the anesthesia thing. I have never been put under for anything, and have some fear about that process. Going to sleep...doesn't sound that bad does it?


I've started a new phase in my Eastern medicine regime. We are now targeting my Kidney Yang deficiency, so I'm taking new herbs (in pill form this time which is a nice change from the tea). And boy did I feel like a super pin cushion at my last acupuncture treatment, luckily I was lying on my stomach and didn't see the field of needles covering my back, legs and feet. I don't have a problem with the needles but having that many poked in results in alot of them not entering painlessly. The herbs are 2 pills, three times a day so that is alot to remember. Well, better to get use to (a routine) because I will probably be stabbing myself multiple times a day when this whole riggameroll gets started.
Oh, and its snowing again! Just when we thought we were free and clear for Spring. Now we have to go through the mucky phase again. Spring please spring soon.

Beautiful Uterus

Yes, that's what my RE told me yesterday. "What a beautiful uterus", this is the same guy who told me I had the ovaries of a teenager. Now, is this guy just trying to pick me up or get me pregnant. I hope its the later. Everything was A-OK with the SIS, although it was bloody uncomfortable for me with my retroverted uterus. Lots of trouble getting the catheter in. I have major catheter-anxiety now, cause all my IUI's were unpleasant and I was never really convinced they got it in there. At least with IVF they use the ultrasound to make sure its in the right place.

Found out that I have to do the AFC test again. Great, next month I have to go back for this, didn't know it had to be updated every six months....what a pain. I called the IVF line to make sure I will be able to do the IVF in May. While the doctor says it should be OK, haven't really got a confirmation yet. They require all these tests to be done first. I have been feeling really tired with the whole daylight savings thing and just getting use to the season change. I find summer kind of tiring cause you never get the same amount of sleep as you do in the winter. Wishing daily that all the snow would melt faster, its getting there. Looking forward to starting up my garden again, and curious if any of those tulips I planted in fall will bloom.

One more test to go

So, I'm sitting here thinking I got all my ducks in a row and IVF is not too far off, but what looms in the back of my mind is what will happen on Tuesday. Its the last test I have to do before we can start the IVF in May. Its the SIS, which basically is an in depth look at my uterus - for any major fibroids or abnormalities. You would think this test would be done before the IUI's too, doesn't really make sense to do IUI's if your uterus is sub-optimal cause then you are really fooling yourself. It will be interesting yet devastating to find out if I have some major abnormality after all this time.

Reading some books on visualization, keeping me focused on my goal. Doing visualization of myself pregnant and telling myself that I am. It states that all affirmations we say to ourselves must be in the present tense, so its kinda weird to keep saying to myself - I am pregnant. I also had a dream that I saw my newborn baby, it was pretty cool he looked like DH. But another part of the dream a different baby, not ours (that looked really deformed) fell from its hospital cradle onto the floor. That was really strange and frightening. Dreams...hard to know what to take from them. Hope I get to see my baby again real soon, cause he was gorgeous.

Blueprints for IVF

I was glad to finally have my appointment with my RE to discuss IVF. So, its a go! He actually suggested doing another 3 rounds of IUI was an alternative as well. I was totally not into that, as the low success rate and I just can't do this for much longer. He stated that the IVF success rate for us would be about 40%, which I thought was pretty good considering my age. He also didn't see any reasons for it not to go well, as I respond really awesome to stims and DH's SA is top notch. We decided that May would probably be the best time to start as I will be done school and I'm not planning on working for the summer. So, the next two months is just me getting in tip top Rocky Balboa type shape (fertility speaking). I started up with my acupuncture treatments yesterday and I am going to commit to some more visualization and relaxation exercises daily. Got to be mentally tip top too! DH is afraid I will be going a little crazy once I'm on all those hormones. Be afraid honey, be afraid.