BFP!

I know I have been MIA for quite a while. Just needed some space to not think about IF so much. The past 6 weeks has been preparation for my FET, which was done on October 17th. The 2WW was rocky as most are, but mid way through I really had my doubts. I really expected that I would be 'feeling' more. Luckily, with encouragement from a pregnant woman of all people and checking online, a lot of women do no have any signs. So, my beta testing day approached and I had some spotting, and I can't tell how many times in the past I believed it was implantation bleeding when it wasn't. I was somewhat devastated and decided to wait one day to go for my beta test in case it was AF. The next day there was no sign of AF which was unusual, cause if she is going to come, she comes.

So I went for my test yesterday late afternoon. They ran it STAT and someone called me from the clinic like 90 minutes later. Before I got the call I went for a walk with Ruby and said to myself over and over again what the conversation from the clinic was going to be like. "Andrea, Congratulations!" I got home the call came and that was the conversation I had. I was of course an emotional wreck with happy tears/sobs galore. She didn't tell me what my HCG was, but it was positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BFP my first one ever! I can't tell you how happy and relieved I am. But the true test is still to come. Tomorrow is my second HCG test, and I am hoping, praying for a doubling.

This is an unbelievable feeling, and I wish it for all my IF sisters out there. Three years of nothing and now finally some joy! Please prayer for me that my baby continues to grow and be strong.

Slacker

Such a slacker with the blogging lately. I started my nasal spray (suppression phase) yesterday. Have to really focus on remembering to nasal pump four times daily. Yesterday, I was so busy with going to a funeral, meeting a friend for coffee, then finishing painting a room at my in-laws. I still remembered to take all my doses miraculously. Everyone keeps telling me "I feel it, this is the one", God do I want to believe that. Its definitely going to be the least stressful one. I am going with flow as much as I can and just seeing what God is going to give me.

I basically have a resistant uterus (and I now accept that) and live in a country where you can't shop around for another fertility clinic. Well, you can but you basically have to go to another city and forfeit any type of a life. I'm feeling like the last three years have been a waste for so many reasons, I'm just not willing to do that. I have two more tries and if I'm meant to be a mother this is when it will happen. Otherwise, I will get to sleep in for the rest of my life, not change any diapers, take as many vacations as I want and not have to worry about babysitting arrangements, always have a fairly clean, organized house and be a overall happy person (I say this in reference to the study done recently that said people with kids are less happy than people without). Either life path would be perfect, just have to wait and see how the 'guy upstairs' rolls the dice. Since I'm through putting the burden of fault on myself....no more of that. Guilt should have no place in IF.

On the Merry-Go-Round

We are on the fertility merry-go-round again. This month we will be starting the FET protocol. So, this time is a bit different. Major difference no needles - hooray. Not that the needles really bothered me but nice not to have to worry about doing that everyday. This time I get to enjoy the lovely Suprefact nasal spray, four times a day. Now that is going to be a bit annoying to try to remember to do that four times a day.

AF showed up with a shout instead of a whisper. What I mean is no 3-4 days of spotting first, she just came. I am taking this as a good sign, lets get the show on the road. I won't be starting the nasal spray until September 17th, so I can settle into my school routine before this new craziness starts. This better be the one - I am 39 in less than 3 months!

Doing well in the running club so far, better than I expected. Pity I will probably have to quit my training once the FET comes. But I am still glad I started it.

Look around. Life is here, you just might miss it.

Nothing in the world of fertility to really update on. I've been totally enjoying life....meaning indulging in whatever I want like alcohol and chocolate. I had a session with my acupuncturist a couple weeks ago where she determined that I have sensitivity to my husband's sperm (what's next????) and she did a treatment for it. Guess it would have helped to determine that a while ago, but really I can't start thinking every little thing I didn't know is really preventing a pregnancy from happening.

I joined a running club because I'm tired of delaying things in my life. Exercise is good and I don't want to delay it because I think it will be a deterrent to pregnancy. I want to live my life! I want to make more exciting life goals for myself that have nothing to do with getting pregnant. I am proud that I have done quite a few things this summer to help that along. New hobbies, new groups and hopefully new friends. Now to just figure out how to address the children issue with new friends without sounding depressed, snotty or angered?

Next Month

I've been doing OK. We were not able to do the FET this month as the clinic is closed for two weeks. Our RE who obviously has no clue how the administrative side of his office works told us we could still do the FET in August, but when I called on CD1 the voicemail message said the opposite. I really wanted a break anyway, and my acupuncturist also is taking August off so it works out better this way.

I'm still waiting for the hope to come back, and I'm so off my fertility regime I don't know when I will be back to fighting style. I have been having sugar and caffeine like crazy and enjoying it like crazy. It is so hard to decide whether the restrictions I've been doing are really doing any good anyways....no positive results yet.

My DH is so great, I love him so much. His business partner has a 8 month old and they are always looking for babysitters. They always ask DH if I can sit for them (for business meetings, his wife has to go as well) and he always makes an excuse for me cause he knows I'm not up for it. They just assume since I don't have a baby and want one so bad, I want to take care of their kid all the time. Uh....no! And worse yet, they are always complaining about their child and how they don't have time for anything anymore. They drive me crazy, especially his wife. DH and his partner have acquired some new businesses and are going to make some good money. Therefore partner's wife won't have to work, but does she appreciate this....no. And they are always talking about having their 2nd baby, in front of me. I hate people who take their fertility for granted and have no sensitivity to someone they consider a friend!!!

I've been trying to get out to do more things, meet different people. Ruby and I are going to a small dog playgroup once a week. A place where I can meet other people with furry children. Also, I think I'm going to join a running group (learn to run) this week. I have never jogged in my life, but have always wanted to. Still trying to keep the FET out of my mind as much as possible and not obsess. My solution is many activities and hopefully finding many new passions.