Feeling Like Bella?

So, I'm totally engrossed with reading the Twilight Book series. I am on the last book now. Yes, the demographic for these books is teen girls, but believe me us 30+ gals are totally getting into this. My one friend loves these books due to the description of new love, the passion of being in love for the first time. Married for almost 10 years I guess she misses that alot. I'm into it, just because this is my genre of books/movies/TV that I love, I guess they call it 'Urban Fantasy/Romance'.

I am currently reading the last book now, Breaking Dawn. Not that I want to ruin the outcome for anyone, so I will say spoiler alert now and don't read on if you don't want to know how it goes. Bella, the main character has married her true love Edward, who is a vampire. She wants to become a vampire too so she can live with him forever. She is scared about going through this transformation but also knows this is what she wants to make her life complete. I guess I'm relating to her right now with my predicament. Now that I have an appointment that was much wanted and much stressed about (my 1st appointment with the RE, in hopes to start the IVF process), I also have that lagging feeling of anticipation and fear. I have to admit I have always been scared to be a mother. I realize the importance of this task and have always thought I wouldn't be up to snuff. Goodness knows there are so many people out there who become parents who clearly shouldn't be, and I never wanted to be in that category.

I know deep down I will make an awesome Mom, but just the whole responsibility of it freaks me out. I'm sure everyone goes through this. I know that you can only do the best you know how and that its an experience where you have to let the kids be themselves and just be their guiding force. Its weird when you going to request to have someone 'make' you a parent. That you release yourself and your intentions to someone else. Its not just you and your partner's private decision anymore. It's pretty much out of your control, in every way possible.

You can lead yourself to water, but you can't make the embryo drink. I haven't gotten to the part where Bella becomes a vampire (I had to go online to find out some of the ending -- yes I know I'm bad) but I'm sure I'll be able to relate to her once I start all the IVF craziness, hormone drugs and all -- the thirst, the longing, the out of control feelings. Me for becoming pregnant, her for blood. Morbid I know, but if you read Twilight you'll know what I mean.