Picturing It

I can picture it so clearly. Me, big and preggers in a green maternity top with a sweater cardigan. This is the image I use when I do my visualization. I'm putting the message out there, that my true desire is to be pregnant and I can picture my beautiful baby with black hair and big brown eyes like my DH. I'm feeling really good lately, about the whole situation. Just counting down the days till I call the IVF nurse to let her know my cycle started and that I want to get on with this. A little stressed though, cause I don't know for sure if they will let me start. I really really hope they do. Putting your fertility is someone else's hands is just as stressful as leaving it in your own. Many uncertainties either way.

I was watching this movie called Motherhood today with Uma Thurman, haven't finished it yet but she is an overwhelmed mother in New York. She mostly talks with other mothers about how hard it is to be a mother and she has this husband who doesn't help her too much. I was watching and thinking will I be like that in a year, complaining about motherhood and taking for granted all I've gone through with IF???
NO WAY! One thing I can say for sure is when you've struggled like all of us with IF, I don't think we would take any of it for granted. Sure, we might complain because everyone has the right to do so -- no matter how badly and to what lengths you went through for your child. But I will relish all my time as a mother because I believe it will go pretty fast...18 years and they are on their own. Then I will enjoy being their friend.