Back from Vegas...again

Yes, this is the second time I've been to Las Vegas this year. Its just such a cheap and easy vacation to take, until you get there of course. I did a bit of damage in the shopping department on purpose. I didn't want to think, oh maybe I shouldn't buy this at this size cause I might be pregnant soon (this thinking which has dominated my shopping habits for three years). I am so sick of postponing everything....in life. We had a really good time, but it was damn hot. I could only stay at the pool from 9 am to noon because after that I would just fry. My husband and stepdaughter are lucky with their beautiful cocoa skin they don't have to worry about sunburns. I had to lather myself constantly, and I am excited to report I DID NOT get a sunburn which is rare for me.

AF started her slow decent in Vegas and while the warning signs are there she still hasn't arrived yet. This spotting stuff is getting worse, possibly indicating my journey to menopause or something, who knows? I am suppose to call the clinic on CD1 to set into motion our FET. I don't know if I should wait for next month, I don't feel like I'm in a positive state of mind yet. But going to clinic appointments would be so much easier this month than next month when I'm back in school.

All I can say is that my husband is a saint. My acupuncturist in her crazy ways wants to test my husband's sperm. Besides acupuncture she also does this specialized acupressure treatment for allergies. I did many sessions of this treatment with her a couple years ago for all my food allergies, and it helped me greatly. She now wants to test my husband's sperm just to make sure my body is not rejecting it. This would be interesting after three years to find I am allergic to his sperm. I know my acupuncturist really cares about me and wants nothing more than to get me preggo....but I'm just starting to feel like this is a money trap.

I met up with my best friend last night and an acquaintance of hers who is going through IF. She has no one to talk to about IF, and my friend thought it would good if we met. We discussed our stories and she is at the same clinic as me (well the only one where we live), and she has done three IUI's with clomid. She is still at the "positive about everything" stage, while I feel I've progressed to the "realistic but hopeful" stage. She of course has had emotional ups and downs like all of us going through IF, but her positivity was admirable. Should I still be at that stage? How can you be after 3 years and 3 failed IUI's and one failed IVF? I wish I could get my positive attitude back, but I need to be realistic because I don't want to be punched in the gut by despair if it doesn't go my way. Help!!!! I need the Positivity Police and I need them now!