Feeling Sick and Feeling Blue

So, I had a chat with my California RE yesterday. He was calling to let me know the results of all the recent tests we had done lately. Overall, I guess the call was positive basically the two things that are hampering us is my age (as my eggs appear to be in good numbers but being 37 the quality is not guaranteed), and my husband's sperm morphology (which is at 8% and should ideally be above 14%). So, he told me its not impossible but we do need to start some treatments. Ideally, we should go the clomid + IUI route. Unfortunately, we can't really do that right now. See we live in Canada, and I was referred to the Fertility Clinic here in September --- the waitlist to get in is approximately 9 months to one year. So, I decided when we went to visit my sister n law in October in Sacramento, I would go see a fertility doctor down there just to speed up the fertility work-up aspect and find out if I am going to be TTC for another whole year and there is problems. So, I am very thankful that I was able to see the RE in California because I know where my status is at, but now its just a waiting game. I can try the clomid on its own for three cycles as per his suggestion, which I am going to do but its so frustrating having time tick away waiting to do start the most effective treatment.

Flying down to California for IUI is not really an option for us, due to time and money. And of course I was feeling really tired last week and got hopeful that it was because I am pregnant but now I'm sure I'm just sick with the flu. AF is due in two days, but I did a HPT anyways because I really wanted to take some cold/flu medicine and just wanted to be sure. I know I can't totally be sure this early, but I have to release some of the guilt towards taking medicine and having a hot toddy so I can feel better. Its such a hard 2+ weeks between ovulation and CD1, you just don't know what you should or shouldn't do. Plus, now I'm getting all anxiety ridden about going to Christmas gatherings because everyone right now is either pregnant or just popped one out. I don't think I can take it. Its always in the back of your head that some insensitive loser is going to ask you the dreaded question, I'd rather just stay home with my husband and watch LOST DVD's and eat chocolate. Christmas is so overrated. Don't mind my bitterness, this is the flu talking.