R-E-S-->B-C-P Find out what it means to me!

Back on the BCP for three weeks as I start my very first IVF cycle. Super excited and praying everything goes smoothly. Also, started on the prescribed preg-vit to get the extra folic acid and iron. I've been keeping my stress levels low and will continue my audio relaxation sessions and visualization. And trying really hard to keep the caffeine and alcohol content at zero. Stepping up my acupuncture treatments to twice a week starting May 25th. This is alot of effort and I want it to pay off!

Mother's Day was OK for me, I think past couple ones I've been pretty sad. I do always get something from my step-daughter and that always makes me feel special --so I don't feel totally excluded from the day. Thank goodness for Vanessa! And I can always hug and kiss my furry child to death if I want to, and a multitude of kisses do come back to me, even if they are slobbery.

At the Starting Gate

Yipee! Hooray! Today, my IVF cycle was confirmed to start. I'm so relieved. I didn't want to wait another cycle, so I am feeling pretty great right now. I have to cherish this feeling because soon I will be back to the anxiety-riddled stim phase and everything else that comes with IVF. The nurse told me my first U/S would be May 26th and my retrieval would be June 11th. This is working out perfectly so far. I was worried it was going to coincide with some plans DH and I had (separate plans actually). Now we can both go do our fun activities (Lilith Fair for me and Golf Weekend for him) while I'm on my 2WW. Nice to think I have a great distraction already planned to get me through 2WW.

I start my three weeks on the BCP on Saturday. My old friend BCP, it will be a nice little reunion. Hope she clears up my skin while we have this nice little visit. And it looks like my DH can put the IVF through the business so its a write-off, so that's good news as well. Now all we need is the extra special good news following the 2WW. Please keep us in your prayers for the middle of June. I was so excited to read some posts lately of fellow IF sisters who have just delivered or just about to deliver and also a IVF sister who just announced a positive beta. Gives us all hope ladies.

Picturing It

I can picture it so clearly. Me, big and preggers in a green maternity top with a sweater cardigan. This is the image I use when I do my visualization. I'm putting the message out there, that my true desire is to be pregnant and I can picture my beautiful baby with black hair and big brown eyes like my DH. I'm feeling really good lately, about the whole situation. Just counting down the days till I call the IVF nurse to let her know my cycle started and that I want to get on with this. A little stressed though, cause I don't know for sure if they will let me start. I really really hope they do. Putting your fertility is someone else's hands is just as stressful as leaving it in your own. Many uncertainties either way.

I was watching this movie called Motherhood today with Uma Thurman, haven't finished it yet but she is an overwhelmed mother in New York. She mostly talks with other mothers about how hard it is to be a mother and she has this husband who doesn't help her too much. I was watching and thinking will I be like that in a year, complaining about motherhood and taking for granted all I've gone through with IF???
NO WAY! One thing I can say for sure is when you've struggled like all of us with IF, I don't think we would take any of it for granted. Sure, we might complain because everyone has the right to do so -- no matter how badly and to what lengths you went through for your child. But I will relish all my time as a mother because I believe it will go pretty fast...18 years and they are on their own. Then I will enjoy being their friend.

Free As A Bird

I finished my last exam today, and so comes the end to my first year of Library Technician schooling. It was a good year, I did really well and I am looking forward to working in this field. So, now comes the waiting and anticipating the start of IVF. Whether or not I really get to start in May and all that comes with that. I have lots of plans for things I want to do over the summer cause I won't be working (just to make life easier with the IVF stuff).

• Gardening
• Taking a quilting course
• A couple of trips (one to Vegas with DH/Step-daughter, one to Kelowna)
• Get Ruby into a Pet Therapy program
• Maybe adopt another dog
• Do an online course for school
• Number acupuncture visits to co-ordinate with IVF
• Keep doing my daily visualization and meditation
• Just visit with people and enjoy the warm weather

Is that enough? Gotta keep myself busy especially in the next month, so I don't go crazy with thinking about whether IVF will work or not. Oh, and the leg numbness thing has dissipated, thank goodness. Don't worry I'll probably have some other weird symptom next week.

Weird Symptoms

OK, I hate being a hypochondriac but weird symptoms always happen to me. This week I've been experiencing numbness in my left foot. Its not totally numb but just mild pins and needles constantly. So, thanks to the hypochondriac-inducing thing known as the Internet I now think I have a variety of diseases. Diabetes, or some sort of neuropathy were the first to spring out at me on wrongdiagnosis.com. But I'm just going to chill and see what some days of major rest do for me. I only have one exam left next week and its going to be open book, so nothing major. Then its time for me to relax and start preparing for IVF. Get myself in tip-top shape physically and mentally. I wanted to start IVF this month but the clinic said I still had to be on the waitlist until next month. Hope there aren't any more delays, ready to see what IVF can do for me. This is our last chance. We are basically only going to do one IVF then move on with life.