Saturday, July 25, 2009

Ovaries of a Teenager, Patience of a Toddler

TGIF, Thank God I'm Fertile. Oh right I'm not! But what a better way to spend my Friday morning but to get a vaginal ultrasound. During this ultrasound my RE declared that I have 'The Ovaries of a Teenager', although he laughed and said he never does ultrasounds on teenagers. Though if he did, he said mine would be right in there with those teens. Well what do you know? something about me is young. My hair is 50% grey, the wrinkles are a-coming and I don't feel comfortable going to nightclubs anymore but my internal organs are ready for the prom, go figure.

While I was enlightened by this news, I was just as quickly given a blow to my confidence when I went to make a follow-up appointment. Which turns out to be in mid-September. This is ridiculous....I am 4 months away from turning 38! Every bloody moment is precious to me and they are making me wait this long to talk about the next step. This sucks, I'm so mad. I thought for sure we would be doing my first IUI in August and now we have to wait until September just to assess, I don't even know if I get to do my IUI in September either. I keep calculating in my head now old I'll be when my kid is 20, if I'm not pregnant until next year....58 (that's like retirement years). Makes me question if I am too old to even consider this. I know for damn sure I want a baby, but is it fair to let this child have older parents (by choice).

I've been really emotional about this today. I don't know how much more of this waiting I can take, without just giving in the towel. I really want the next six weeks just to fly by...guess I will be making a lot of patio margaritas this summer.

Monday, July 13, 2009

9 Month Wait - How Ironic

So, the day finally came, we had our first appointment at the Fertility Clinic after the 9 month wait. It was a relief but also felt so anti-climatic after such a long wait. I like my new doctor he is funny, nice and straight to the point. He also looks alot like the Chekov character from the original Star Trek series. Everyone at the clinic was super, I mean super nice. Wonder if that is par for the course since it is a pay for service rather than regular health care. Upon reviewing our files from the previous testing we had done he basically summed up our difficulties as 'Unexplained Infertility', but basically he said it was age-related. Sure throw that in my face, like I don't hate my wrinkles and creaking knees enough.

Suggested course of action was IUI with injectable drugs. I was super gung ho to start with IVF, but my sister n law who did IUI three times for her kids suggested I go for it first. Just to take it easy on my body to start out with and also save some big money. I think my first cycle of trying will be next month because the clinic is closed the first two weeks of August, which the doctor was none too happy about. I told him I wanted to get the show on the road (his expression actually) ASAP. So, next month will be it, putting it all on the line. Why am I more nervous now?

I was definitely relieved to have the appointment and get things going, but I guess some part of me knows if this doesn't work nothing will....and then what? Well, I am just going to enjoy the rest of my summer as my cycle to start wouldn't be until the end of August. I always love the fall too, and hopefully an autumn conception is in my future.