Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Where's My Bumper Sticker?

As I was driving behind a huge truck today, I noticed a bumper sticker on the back. I assume the driver was poking fun at himself because the sticker read,

Sorry about the size of your penis

It got me wondering if I would like to poke fun at myself with the situation I'm in? Not the owner of a large vehicle, but owner of a vacant uterus. Arriving home I quickly googled to see if 'Infertility Paraphernalia' actually exists. Lo and behold, you can get an assortment of t-shirts, not so much bumper stickers displaying your infertility woes. Some of my favorites were the following:

Thinking positive (with picture of a HPT)

Not Pregnant
(but I'll keep you posted)

Infertility Sucks

I'm not as old as my eggs want you to believe

Now would I actually go out and proudly wear these cleverly devised statements on my chest...definitely not. As most of us suffering with IF issues, I prefer to suffer in silence. We want to jump out the window if someone even brings up the issue of if we are pregnant, what's the status, etc. etc. Advertising the fact of my suffering is just not something I could bear. Although, I would like to have more gumption and tackle this with humor (as I do most things in life), its just so difficult. And really, would most people get the joke anyway? You'd want them to laugh but you'd probably end up getting the dreaded pity-face instead. So, would I like to confront my issues on IF with more humor? Absolutely. Am I going to advertise this on my car bumper or chest? Not quite yet. Bumper stickers are hard to get off your bumper, and I hope my situation is not as permanent as the adhesive on the back of that sticker.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Summertime with Ruby

Just wanted to update on my furry child. Ruby is doing well, she got fixed a couple weeks ago but recovered quickly. She is very happy we finally finished our backyard...and so are we. She is already trained to got to "her spot" in the yard to do her business. She is such a delight in my life, my cuddly little girl. She still needs work on her walking though, I've been to puppy classes for three sessions and she still pulls like crazy on the leash. I'm kinda at my wit's end with that. It annoys me big time, so I find it much easier to just take her to the off leash parks cause she does fine there (follows me and gets along really good with all the dogs). This morning we had a funny event, as I was calling out to Ruby to get out of my new flower beds I noticed she was jumping around one of my new shrubs. When I went to check what she was up to I saw the tiniest little bunny. Ruby was either trying to play with her or catch & eat her....hoping it was the first one. We let Ruby jump around her for a bit and filmed the video, but don't worry we took Ruby away and captured the bunny without any harm done to the little bunny. I carried her to the field by our house and set her free. I hope she survives she was the tiniest little jack rabbit I've ever seen. Who knows maybe she will be back, we have quite a buffet in our yard with all the new perennials I've planted.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Feeling Like Bella?

So, I'm totally engrossed with reading the Twilight Book series. I am on the last book now. Yes, the demographic for these books is teen girls, but believe me us 30+ gals are totally getting into this. My one friend loves these books due to the description of new love, the passion of being in love for the first time. Married for almost 10 years I guess she misses that alot. I'm into it, just because this is my genre of books/movies/TV that I love, I guess they call it 'Urban Fantasy/Romance'.
I am currently reading the last book now, Breaking Dawn. Not that I want to ruin the outcome for anyone, so I will say spoiler alert now and don't read on if you don't want to know how it goes. Bella, the main character has married her true love Edward, who is a vampire. She wants to become a vampire too so she can live with him forever. She is scared about going through this transformation but also knows this is what she wants to make her life complete. I guess I'm relating to her right now with my predicament. Now that I have an appointment that was much wanted and much stressed about (my 1st appointment with the RE, in hopes to start the IVF process), I also have that lagging feeling of anticipation and fear. I have to admit I have always been scared to be a mother. I realize the importance of this task and have always thought I wouldn't be up to snuff. Goodness knows there are so many people out there who become parents who clearly shouldn't be, and I never wanted to be in that category.
I know deep down I will make an awesome Mom, but just the whole responsibility of it freaks me out. I'm sure everyone goes through this. I know that you can only do the best you know how and that its an experience where you have to let the kids be themselves and just be their guiding force. Its weird when you going to request to have someone 'make' you a parent. That you release yourself and your intentions to someone else. Its not just you and your partner's private decision anymore. It's pretty much out of your control, in every way possible.
You can lead yourself to water, but you can't make the embryo drink. I haven't gotten to the part where Bella becomes a vampire (I had to go online to find out some of the ending -- yes I know I'm bad) but I'm sure I'll be able to relate to her once I start all the IVF craziness, hormone drugs and all -- the thirst, the longing, the out of control feelings. Me for becoming pregnant, her for blood. Morbid I know, but if you read Twilight you'll know what I mean.