Forgive Yourself

I'm putting behind me the last two and a half years. All the disappointment, frustration, questioning, sadness. It was a pretty miserable time for me, when it should have been the most exciting period of my life. I had just gotten married after searching and searching (and finding!) my soul mate, and here I was obsessed with getting pregnant and NOT getting pregnant. My husband and I were still discovering each other, not having lived together before getting married. But there is nothing like a little infertility stress to add to the pot of a newly married couple; that will show you what you are really made of. We have made it through though and I love him more than ever. He is understanding and cares for me so deeply, but I know he just wants our life to 'keep going' and not be at such a standstill.

I am forgiving myself for feeling so insecure and having such disappointment in myself, when really what else could I have really done. I am trying to conceive in my late thirties and before I was educated about all this IF stuff I really gave myself a hard time. Chastising myself for:

• every little slip I would make in my strict fertility enhancing eating regime
• blaming myself for possible blocked tubes (which of course didn't turn out to be the case)
• making myself feel like an outsider if I was the only one in the room with no children

I am finally now nurturing myself as I would nurture my child. I am releasing all these fears I've had for the past two years and facing what ever comes ahead. And I don't know what will come, but I can only live for now and I can only love me how I am. I am a strong, beautiful, smart, caring woman and I am a great mother to me. And I want to be a great mother to you.