The Week My Husband Likes The Most

I am not usually inclined to talk about the intimate details of my relationship, but when you are 'trying' for a baby that is all that is on your mind. More in a scheduling and practical way than in a lustful or romantic one. But overall I think it is good for our relationship to be so focused on our physical intimacy for a whole week. I mean there are no excuses like I don't feel like it or I am too tired, this is a priority and it has to get done. And really that's how it should be but we all get so into routines or get preoccupied with other things that are far less important than the closeness you really only share with one person (if you are in a committed relationship of course). Marriage experts insist that your physical relationship should be one of your top priorities and definitely will keep you together longer if it is healthy and thriving. I think it is a gift that in the process of trying to create this new person for our family, we have this week where its a priority for us to be together. It's just a matter of putting yourself in a good headspace as well, not focus on the outcome you are trying to achieve from this but be in the moment with you and your partner.

So, my house just seems emptier and emptier these days. I love that Gary, Vanessa and I are a family but since Vanessa (stepdaughter) doesn't live with us its just the two of us. I feel that I will just have the fun aunt role in her life, since we don't live together I can't really see it developing into something parental. Which is fine, she is already 14 and I'm sure the last thing a 14 year old wants is another parent. So, I am the role I am very familiar with which is the fun Auntie, I have loved being an Auntie to my two nieces and one nephew. I am so ready to be someone's mommy though. Wow, I finally said it I am not one for such proclamations. I know I've been trying for a child for a year but I try to just keep a laid back attitude about it. You know the one I project to everyone, being too honest would allow for way too much vulnerability to be shown on a daily basis. I have to keep the attitude of 'if it happens it happens', and if not no big deal I'll deal with it.

So, this is my week of optimum hope. That magical baby dust has sprinkled down on me. Every month has one of these weeks, and I'm trying to see them as a week of hopefullness and not one of distress or anxiety. I am promising myself that this month I will focus on this week and not so much on the weeks after. Those are the worst. I had been taking my temperature daily for the whole month (for the past few months), so that I could tell if I was pregnant. But this time I will do the temp thing for the week of ovulation then I will stop because I have to have some form of self preservation here. Then I will just see if my period comes or not and go from there. I think that is the smart thing to do in order to stop the stressing and obsessing. Its so hard when you have thoroughly educated yourself on all this fertility stuff, to stop yourself from doing these things.

And what am I really saying to myself is "Ya, good luck with that".