The Universe is Funny Sometimes

I guess we just have to find the humor in all our situations. Today in one of my classes (I'm a library technician student) we had to look up facts/questions in different almanacs, encyclopedias etc. One of the questions was:

'What was the largest tumor anyone ever had?'

To my shock, dismay, then the profuse shaking of my head the answer I found in the Guinness Book of World Records was:

a 328 pound----------------wait for it---------------------ovarian cyst!!!!!

I thought to myself at least I don't have that one : )

Looking Inward

Trying to have a better outlook today, and just be thankful for the things in my life (which are many). I know this is not the end of the road for me with fertility treatments....but just having a day like that made me really tired of living my life month-to-month. I will continue on with treatments but I'm really going to start adjusting to the mindset that children might not be in the cards and I want to be OK with that, and not be devastatingly sad every month....its so draining.

Disaster

Not how I thought this morning would go. Devastation. Cyst on my ovary. IUI cancelled. Have
to come back next month to see what's happened to the cyst. Disappointment beyond belief, no words here that aren't stained with tears.

Its a New Day

CD1 is here. Here we go. Left a message for the clinic to do baseline ultrasound. To have my 'date' with the wand in the next day or so. Its almost surreal that it is finally here. Anticipation and worry is high...treading into the unknown of the treatment. Please God let this work.

Just Wanted to Stay Home

So, my husband springs it on me that we were invited to a firepit tonight. It's usually always last minute when it comes to his group of friends, while mine are more on the planning side. So, these same day invites are not really news to me. But, guess what? I did not feel like socializing tonight. We were suppose to go for dinner too, but I suggested we just eat at home cause we needed to use up the food in our fridge. Then after dinner of course I felt guilty cause I think DH wanted to go (and yes I was stalling on an answer as to if I would go or not). Or more to the fact, he probably already told them we were coming, cause he can never say no. Although he always claims he never has a problem saying no to his friends (which is a bunch of BS, by the way).

I gave in, cause I don't like him to feel sad and cause we can usually bring Ruby to these people's house because they have a dog too. So, we go and the whole time I'm so thinking I'd rather be in bed reading the new book I just got from the library. The couple's house we went to, they are recently grandparents. Their daugther is only 21 and recently married but just had a baby a couple months ago. So, it is a little painful to go there because the 'baby talk' is non-stop. And of course someone else always has to bring up the fact that DH and I don't have kids...and what are we doing now (in regards to treatment). So, tonight one of my DH's friends blurts out in front of a small group that I shouldn't worry about anything because his sister n law had to try for a baby for 10 years and finally had her kids in her 40's and they are little monsters. Then he goes on to say I should just take the little infant that's there cause she is the right color (see my husband is East Indian and I'm white), which is what the other couple is too.

Now, I know this guy did not mean any harm and is usually quite a nice fellow but this was not the day I wanted to hear this. I didn't want to be there anyways and I have to hear this shit. Really, c'mon. My DH's friends can be too much to take sometimes. I got together with one of my best friends this week and we had the loveliest time singing karoake all night at her house. If my DH's friends don't start having some game nights or go out to do something different I think I'll be at home reading quite a bit and my DH will be going solo.

Getting Ready for All The Little Pricks

Ha Ha! That was definitely not a derogatory jab at my DH, I'm talking about injections here people. I finally sat down or more accurately lied down on my bed with laptop at hand and watched the injection videos the nurse told me to (before IUI gets underway). I thought there would be just one but there were many because they had them categorized per manufacteurer not medication type.

It was a bit of information overload considering I don't know exactly which medication I will be taking and if I will be doing it with the old fashioned syringes or the new pen injectors. Didn't realize I will possibly have to mix up the powder (medication) with some solution before injecting. The needle part of it doesn't freak me out too much, never had a problem with needles. But then again I've never given one to myself and I'm kinda squeamish when it comes to watching other people get theirs. And injecting in the abdomen seems so odd, but hopefully my belly fat will take the brunt of it and I will feel no pain (ya right), thank you cookies.

So, countdown to AF and the start of all this craziness is approximately 7 days. Can't believe I'm actually counting down to (anticipating) AF...weird.

Pick-Up Lines Aside, I Love My RE

So, the fates worked in my favor for once and I got my follow-up appointment bumped up to last Friday. Basically, my RE went over all our test results and we are as suspected "Unexplained". Though my RE was so nice to add that in three months when I turn 38, he gets to add on "Age-Related" and I told him 'Thanks alot buddy'.

After discussing what my ultrasound concluded, I reminded him he had told me I had the ovaries of a teenager. His response was, that he tells that to all the ladies when they show up without their husbands. We all had a good laugh at that one (me, DH, RE and the intern), in fact I don't remember ever laughing that hard at any doctor's appt I have ever had. I really like my RE, he is a straight shooter but has a great sense of humor.

We are set to go forward with my first IUI at the end of this month. I need to watch a bunch of online videos to get the scoop on what to expect. I've read up on it and I pretty much understand the procedure, but I guess I won't know what to expect until we actually go through it --since everyone reacts differently to medication etc. I'm also trying to follow some of the suggestions from the book, The Infertility Cure. These are dietary, supplements and acupuncture as prescribed through Traditional Chinese Medicine. I've also consulted with my acupunturist on these suggestions --- and she wants me to be on a number of different supplements. So, trying to be 'healthy' on all levels before this IUI may be a little overwhelming.

But its finally happening, I'm in the loop (so to speak).