ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum

Music to my ears, hearing my baby's heartbeat again today. These last two weeks have been hard to handle with all the nausea and vomiting but I'm thankful I have these symptoms as well. So, today was the last time I will have to go to the fertility clinic....I hope! I have now been referred to a OB/GYN and hoping I never have to go back to that place. I do really like my doctor there but the goal was for them to get me pregnant and they have finally done their job. My doctor was very sweet today because he said he is owed the first snuggle from our baby. He was also saying how good looking our baby was, ha ha...good looking little raspberry. Each week with my ipod apps they tell me how big the baby is and it seems they always compare it to a fruit (we are at raspberry right now). During the ultrasound there were two sacs (which we did see before) but one is like 5 times bigger than the other. My doctor says there probably isn't anything in the second sac, but he also said I'll have more ultrasounds to be sure. I was like what??? how can you not know by now if that is a baby. Realisitically I don't really see how it could be because it was so small and he didn't even check it for a heartbeat. I joked with him that this better not be a TWINS (the movie) situation, where one is Arnold Schwarzenegger and one is Danny Devito!

I also got a prescription for my morning sickness so I hope I can feel somewhat normal soon. I need to feel better to make it through my final exams in the next two weeks. We have told alot of people that we are expecting but I think I'm going to wait a few more weeks to declare it to the world, maybe over Christmas when I'm close to the 2nd trimester.

All Day Sickness

Well the nausea and vomiting have come to town. I feel pretty rotten but that's OK it means baby is a growing and growing. I had some more bleeding last Wednesday, bright red variety and it really freaked me out! I left school immediately and called the clinic in hysterics. They let me come in and my doctor did an ultrasound, it was so scary but I tried to calm myself and think positively before the doctor came in. Well, the ultrasound showed no sign of where the bleeding was coming from but it did show one tiny and I mean tiny little baby!!! Woo hoo! And we got to hear his heartbeat. It was so cool because the doctor said the heart probably only started beating a couple of days before that. So, I was reassured for awhile but who ever stops worrying through the first trimester, really?

The last few days is when my morning sickness really kicked in. I have only vomited twice and both times in the morning when nothing much was available to come out, thank God. I went to work yesterday with some of those anti-nausea wrist bands you get at the pharmacy. They helped a lot, maybe too much so. I did my regular routine at work, still trying to take it easy cause my doctor told me to. So, when I got home more bleeding and a lot more than the last time. Tried not to freak out because the doctor said it is common for IVF patients due to the medications we are on. But decided then and there to take the week off of work, at least till my next ultrasound which is November 23rd. I don't want to get run down, and work seemed really supportive when I told them the news last week (plus its just a part-time job of 12 hours/week).

Can't wait to see my little nugget again in 10 days...yes doing the countdown. Would it be great if you could get a weekly ultrasound just to feel reassured about things?

Reassured??

Did another HCG yesterday and got results today. Good news is it was over 16,000. Bad news is I'm still worried. I just felt like right after the bleeding/discharge incident my pregnancy symptoms totally dissipated. I have read a bit since and it seems pregnancy symptoms can come and go but that is not reassuring to me. I don't think I will totally feel at ease until I see that beating little heart on the ultrasound, which is now two whole weeks away.

The past two days for me have been utter torture, much crying as I was convinced everything was over. All the prayers and support of all who care about me must have done the hoping for me. I'm glad my 'prayer circle' is what I call them (its not a formal prayer circle) is really looking out for me. Believe me I need it.

Not Good

Its gone from worry to super worry. Last tonight and today I had dripping blood coming out. Dark red blood but enough to make me really worry. I'm not feeling so pregnant anymore either. I feel like my symptoms have gone away -- less hunger, less tender boobs, less tired. These are not good signs. I called the clinic again today and talked to the nurse. She didn't sound too optimistic when I said it was red blood, so I'm going to do my HCG/Progesterone tomorrow.

I know bleeding is not uncommon in the first trimester but its really hard to remain optimistic when you see it. I'm thinking wow I got to be happy for about 10 days, I was pregnant finally! I don't feel super sad as of yet, I still have hope. Feeling a bit numb actually, "Is this really happening?"

Worry Wart

Getting pregnant was so hard, I hope staying pregnant without going insane is not. I had my third HCG test on Tuesday and my level had gone from 313 to 1834. So, I was flying high for the last few days. We have gotten a little to loose lipped with telling people, but its hard not to when most of them know we are going through fertility treatments. Hope that is not a mistake.

Worrying about everything has set in. Especially since yesterday as I am having some spotting and discharge. So far it is mostly either watery pink or brown. I have been scanning the forums and many women on there have experienced this through first trimester and everything was OK. Some articles said it is old blood from implanting or your missed period. I HOPE SO. I am very nervous. I left a message at the clinic this morning, so I hope they call me back and tell me the same thing.

My symptoms for the past week have been some cramping feelings but not severe, extreme hunger and tiredness. No nausea or vomiting yet thank goodness. How does anyone get through the first trimester? I think I may go crazy. Still doing my relaxation sessions to calm my nerves and enjoying looking at my pregnancy aps daily seeing how baby is changing and growing. It is so amazing how fast they grow in the first 10 weeks.

I hope and pray my baby will be OK. Please send your good thoughts my way.