Lovng Being a Busy Mom

My little angel just hit the 6 month mark and I am loving every minute being a mom. Days are busy and go by so fast. Some days I get sad knowing she is growing up so fast, but then I think that is stupid and chastise myself. I am so thankful every minute she is here and though journey was rough it was sooo worth it!

Baby's first Christmas was so fun and we felt so blessed. Everly was spoiled by everyone. But Santa I really owe you cause I got everything I wanted for Christmas : )

Everly Grace - Our Miracle

Everly Grace welcomed to the world on July 12th (07-12) and weighting 7 lbs 12 oz. We are so blessed and happy. We thought this day would never come. Infertility is a nightmare experience for everyone, so coming to this point is unbelievable. All I can say is keep hoping and trying even when you feel defeated. And I wish everyone so much love and encouragement on their tough journeys which is so different for every single person.

Overstuffed Turkey

I am in the midst of Week 38 and now I know what all those preggers were complaining about before -- I feel like an overstuffed turkey. And by no means is my belly as big as I have seen on some women, but man this is getting uncomfortable. At my last appt. the Dr. said there was no progress towards labor, so I guess this little gal likes it in there. I have somewhat lost my appetite as well and really have been losing weight rather than gaining in these last weeks.

Baby prep is going pretty well, her room is almost done. Just waiting for the dresser and chair to arrive. We still haven't purchased a crib mattress yet, but she won't be sleeping in it for awhile. We have the playpen with bassinet set up in our room. I have experienced some of those Braxton Hicks contractions, which aren`t very pleasant, but I`m sure nothing compared to the real thing.

Really hard to believe the big day is almost here! Over three years in the making.

34 Weeks

Almost at 34 weeks and can hardly believe it! Can't wait to meet my baby girl. Started our prenatal classes and trying not to get freaked out about the whole birthing process. Every woman experiences a different birth so I can't get too caught up in what has happened with others. Thought at first I would do it all naturally, but I think I will remain open to an epidural. My DH is convinced I will so be getting an epidural, and he may be right. As long as she enters this world healthy and strong, that's all I care about. Would be nice if labor doesn't last too long though : )

a smile only a mama can love

Out Out Damn Spots

Wow, its very challenging dealing with these "hormonal" emotions that are always at the surface. Last week I started prescription treatment for a yeast infection, and a couple days into it I had some spotting. Of course I freaked just thinking something was wrong...crying and the whole bit. I think it was just because I was at the precipice of 24 weeks, which is a milestone I was desperate to cross without any hiccup. I called the Health Link and was hoping the nurse would tell me the spotting was connected to the medication or the yeast infection to put my mind at ease. Well, she didn't say that but told me to go see the doctor if it continued more than 2 days. It stopped after a couple days and I hadn't taken the medication for one because I didn't want it to start again. So, I resumed the medication because the nurse said that would be wise to not stop treating the infection. And three days later some more spotting. So, yesterday and today I have been on major underwear watch. Today it is fading and now I am wondering if it is related to the medication or to my Aquafit class. My class is on Thursday nights and both times the spotting started a day after the class. I am just going to take it easy as much as I can for the next few days.

Anyways, trying to keep my emotions in check and not freak about everything. It is hard, especially when this is so precious to me and took so long to achieve. I want everything to go just perfect and don't need any emotional roller coaster rides...I had enough of that for three years. Just want Baby Girl to keep growing strong and healthy and wait for summer.

The Name Game

Naming someone is an overwhelming task. First you have to think that you will be saying this name countless times for the rest of your life. And secondly you hope your child likes their name and it doesn't result in any unwanted teasing/taunting etc. I have a list of names of course but one of them just seems to be speaking to me. It is not a very common name which is what I like but I don't want my daughter to have such an unusual name that it becomes annoying for her.

The name I like (and have convinced my DH to like) is EVERLY. Now when I look up this name in the various baby name books and websites it says it is a boys name. To me it isn't. I would never name a boy, Everly. And I immediately thought the nickname would be EVIE, which I really like as well. Now I've basically told DH that naming is up to me because he insists this is going to be our only baby.... we'll see. He likes GRACE, which will probably end up being the middle name.

Now the other thing with this name is the meaning. In some places where I look it up it says the meaning is "From Ever's Meadow", which I think is beautiful. But in other places it says "From Boar's Meadow" which is not so appealing. But just wondering if people pick names more on how they sound, then what they mean? Anyways, I'm still looking at other names on my list but have starting calling my belly Everly. I didn't want to share it with too many people, but a few have gotten it out of me and so far the feedback has been positive.

So, we will see if she is an EVERLY in 3.5 months. I went for another ultrasound yesterday to check on her heart. We are participating in a study where they monitor her heart for any abnormalities because they can sometimes occur in IVF babies. Yesterday was the last ultrasound and they told me her heart looked pretty perfect, so I was sooo happy! Of course they said (to cover their butts) that they can't see everything on an ultrasound like minor defects but overall they were happy with the results.

My EVERLY has a good heart (literally and figuratively I hope), what more could a mommy ask for : )

Here's My Baby Girl

Yes I found out. It's a girl! I was surprised but my DH wasn't, he said he knew. I didn't totally think it was a boy but wasn't convinced either way I guess. My anatomy ultrasound went great and I am happy to say without trepidation that I am doing great at the halfway mark. When you are an IF survivor you are always waiting for the the other shoe to drop. But this ultrasound eased my worries. I still don't think I am feeling her move too much but I know she is alive and kicking in there. It was so cool, because I wasn't expecting a 3D image. I didn't know our doctor's office had it. So we got to take home some 3D images and 4D video. I want to go for another 3D ultrasound on our own when she is bigger and so that my stepdaughter can come and see. Now I can relax on our Caribbean cruise next week, super excited. First have to get tons of homework done which is stressing me a bit, but can't complain cause I'll be in paradise in a week. Halfway there and still can't believe it. I'm sure now it will all rush by. Haven't even started shopping yet....yikes!

Time to Get Some Worry Beads

Maybe worry beads will help me stop worrying. The ultimate fear has come true....I've turned into my mother The Worry Wart of all worry warts. So, I am sailing into 2nd trimester feeling better than ever. No nausea, no hip pains, no food aversions (mostly) but I can't stop worrying.
Now that I feel pretty normal I think there must be something wrong. Especially since I am not quite sure if I have felt the baby yet.

I am almost 18 weeks and while I have felt some little lower abdomen muscle twinges, I don't know if that is the baby or not. It would be so comforting to feel it more so I actually feel pregnant. My belly has grown, so that is a definite sign. Weird how I can't accept the fact that feeling normal is normal.

I am counting down the days till our big ultrasound on Feb 10th. We are definitely finding out what we are having. And I want to see that baby move again, if only on a screen so I don't have to worry about it so much. Lots of people think I am having a girl even DH, but I don't really have a sense either way right now.

We are going on a Caribbean cruise in 3 weeks and I can't wait to get away from all this snow and cold. It going to be hard not to gain some extra pounds on that boat, the all you can eat shrimp and lobster night....I've been dreaming of it for months.

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Feeling Better Finally!

You feel like it is never going to end. First trimester yuckiness. Well, I still don't believe it but I'm starting to feel normal again; most of the time anyway. Last night I pushed my luck and stayed up too late, and ending up vomiting before I went to bed. Oh well, better vomit once a week,than once a day.

My bump is starting to show and the pants are getting tighter. Good thing I saved some of my fat pants from a few years ago. I also bought a few pairs of maternity pants but they still feel too big and fall down after about an hour of wearing them. Another good thing is that the excessive hunger I was feeling for three months has subsided. My last doctor's visit on Thursday he told me I gained 7 pounds since last month, yikes! Well, its was Christmas too and I was soooo hungry. My visit was short and sweet. He just measured my belly, we listened to the heartbeat and he asked me some questions. I go back on Feb 10 for anatomy ultrasound and next appointment. Counting down the days till I get to see my little one again. I told my doctor I do want to find out the sex. My philosophy is I've waited three years for this to happen, I don't want to wait for any more surprises. Hopefully, little one cooperates in the ultrasound. (probably the people who want to know so bad don't get to)

Otherwise, everything is going fine. I still have my worries, but that is probably true of all preggos. I started my pre-natal aquafit class where everybody is totally showing big time. I felt like I had washboard abs compared to everyone else. I was the one who was the fewest weeks pregnant. Felt good to do some exercise again though, it has been awhile. I was going to join a yoga class as well but didn't want to overwhelm myself. I have a pre-natal yoga DVD that I haven't even looked at. Classes are always better for me to get my butt in gear.

Racing Towards 2nd Trimester

Wow, I haven't been on here for a month. But really who needs to hear me go on and on about vomiting and nausea. I've almost reached my 2nd trimester (next week) and I'm starting to feel a bit better. I still like to sleep alot and I still vomit occasionally but it is getting better. We got to see baby on the ultrasound screen again a couple weeks ago. His tiny little feet and hands were so adorable. We are going for the Nuchal test on Thursday. That is going to be very nerve racking but I have positive thoughts about the outcome.
I have pretty much told everyone that I'm pregnant now except people at school. I have had about 10 days off from school now but don't really felt like I've relaxed. I have three shifts this week at work and wish I could just stay home. I like my job but I'm so into vegging at home right now. DH and I have a short Vegas trip planned later this week, and I hope it will be relaxing. I will probably just want to stay in the hotel room and sleep but he knows this. So very thankful that all this is happening and just keep praying that baby is well and healthy.

ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum

Music to my ears, hearing my baby's heartbeat again today. These last two weeks have been hard to handle with all the nausea and vomiting but I'm thankful I have these symptoms as well. So, today was the last time I will have to go to the fertility clinic....I hope! I have now been referred to a OB/GYN and hoping I never have to go back to that place. I do really like my doctor there but the goal was for them to get me pregnant and they have finally done their job. My doctor was very sweet today because he said he is owed the first snuggle from our baby. He was also saying how good looking our baby was, ha ha...good looking little raspberry. Each week with my ipod apps they tell me how big the baby is and it seems they always compare it to a fruit (we are at raspberry right now). During the ultrasound there were two sacs (which we did see before) but one is like 5 times bigger than the other. My doctor says there probably isn't anything in the second sac, but he also said I'll have more ultrasounds to be sure. I was like what??? how can you not know by now if that is a baby. Realisitically I don't really see how it could be because it was so small and he didn't even check it for a heartbeat. I joked with him that this better not be a TWINS (the movie) situation, where one is Arnold Schwarzenegger and one is Danny Devito!

I also got a prescription for my morning sickness so I hope I can feel somewhat normal soon. I need to feel better to make it through my final exams in the next two weeks. We have told alot of people that we are expecting but I think I'm going to wait a few more weeks to declare it to the world, maybe over Christmas when I'm close to the 2nd trimester.

All Day Sickness

Well the nausea and vomiting have come to town. I feel pretty rotten but that's OK it means baby is a growing and growing. I had some more bleeding last Wednesday, bright red variety and it really freaked me out! I left school immediately and called the clinic in hysterics. They let me come in and my doctor did an ultrasound, it was so scary but I tried to calm myself and think positively before the doctor came in. Well, the ultrasound showed no sign of where the bleeding was coming from but it did show one tiny and I mean tiny little baby!!! Woo hoo! And we got to hear his heartbeat. It was so cool because the doctor said the heart probably only started beating a couple of days before that. So, I was reassured for awhile but who ever stops worrying through the first trimester, really?

The last few days is when my morning sickness really kicked in. I have only vomited twice and both times in the morning when nothing much was available to come out, thank God. I went to work yesterday with some of those anti-nausea wrist bands you get at the pharmacy. They helped a lot, maybe too much so. I did my regular routine at work, still trying to take it easy cause my doctor told me to. So, when I got home more bleeding and a lot more than the last time. Tried not to freak out because the doctor said it is common for IVF patients due to the medications we are on. But decided then and there to take the week off of work, at least till my next ultrasound which is November 23rd. I don't want to get run down, and work seemed really supportive when I told them the news last week (plus its just a part-time job of 12 hours/week).

Can't wait to see my little nugget again in 10 days...yes doing the countdown. Would it be great if you could get a weekly ultrasound just to feel reassured about things?

Reassured??

Did another HCG yesterday and got results today. Good news is it was over 16,000. Bad news is I'm still worried. I just felt like right after the bleeding/discharge incident my pregnancy symptoms totally dissipated. I have read a bit since and it seems pregnancy symptoms can come and go but that is not reassuring to me. I don't think I will totally feel at ease until I see that beating little heart on the ultrasound, which is now two whole weeks away.

The past two days for me have been utter torture, much crying as I was convinced everything was over. All the prayers and support of all who care about me must have done the hoping for me. I'm glad my 'prayer circle' is what I call them (its not a formal prayer circle) is really looking out for me. Believe me I need it.

Not Good

Its gone from worry to super worry. Last tonight and today I had dripping blood coming out. Dark red blood but enough to make me really worry. I'm not feeling so pregnant anymore either. I feel like my symptoms have gone away -- less hunger, less tender boobs, less tired. These are not good signs. I called the clinic again today and talked to the nurse. She didn't sound too optimistic when I said it was red blood, so I'm going to do my HCG/Progesterone tomorrow.

I know bleeding is not uncommon in the first trimester but its really hard to remain optimistic when you see it. I'm thinking wow I got to be happy for about 10 days, I was pregnant finally! I don't feel super sad as of yet, I still have hope. Feeling a bit numb actually, "Is this really happening?"